smoked meat, moog audio, bifteck and the joys of life
I am back from Montreal, and it was a good time!
Good being one of those words that conjures up non-stop excitement, parties and general revelry! There of course was a lot of that, but it is also a textured time…time for re-building, listening, supporting and continuing. My nearest and dearest came home, and the first night we were up until 4:30 am talking about life and where he was going and what was going on. If I had thought I had gone through a lot, he too has gone through a lot….we had a chance to swap stories, life events and our general feelings about where each of us is at this point in our lives….It has become evident to me that our paths will diverge, if not for forever, but at least for a time. That both excites me and saddens me, the base, less evolved and child like part of me of course wants things to go back as they were at the end of the 30 minutes, but the adult in me wants to see him make his way in the world. That part is exciting! That part is going to be sustaining! I am all about that part of his life. That hard part is that he will not be in my back pocket, and won’t be part of my daily life. That I am assuming is how it is supposed to be, and I just have to accept that as a part of life. We have not lived in each other’s daily life for many years, I just thought for some reason we would end up in the same place.
I do have to say, that I did eat one of the best smoke meat sandwiches in the world when I was there! Could have been the best ever! I was so glad that on his first foray to The Main on Friday night, that he got the best that it had to offer! We had good times walking around the city, and he humoured me as I walked up and around the old and orthodox part of Montreal. I educated him on the way of the Chasids in the neighbourhood, and what it all meant…not that it meant that much to him, but he knew how important it was to me. No Cheskies though, closed for Shabbat–of course.
We have just finished the holiday of Tisha B’Av, which is the mourning of the destruction of the temples and of the Jews lack of faith in G-d. I bring it up because I too am in a state of mourning, and one of the things that comes out when one is mourning, is that there will be good at the end of it all. Right now is a transformative time, I have to re-think the path that I am going down, as I am not going to school in the fall–I will be taking courses but I will not be going to school to study Social Work….so what is the next step? Join the circus? Have a nap? Eat a sandwich? That is what this time is for, the life I thought I would be living at this point will not happen, and so now is the time for the re-org …make no mistake, I will apply again, with a better application, and I will double check and triple check everything, now that I know how it all works. But while I am in the time of doing that, I do have to think again and re-think, how does it all work? What will it all look like? How will it all feel? I don’t shy away from this type of stuff that is for sure, and in some cases it causes me so much pain, but I let it out, I honour. I hate it sometimes, but it is part of the life cycle. I sit at home today, and think about life, think about what a great day it is, how sunny and truly lucky I am, so that tempers the feelings of mourning and sadness…I was going to go to work, but that is not going to happen. I am going to take the day, my week will be damned, but it will be fine…I have committed to what I have committed to, and I am going to get through all of it. By this time next week, I will be on holiday until the following week, and I will continue to work on my house, myself, and I will propel me forward! That I will do!
This is what it is all about…..L’Chaim!
